Twins sweep, Chicago sucks

I think that pretty much sums up the fact that we basically kicked 13 different kinds of dog crap out of the White Sox the first two games, and then let them shit the bed in the 9th today for an improbable come from behind 7-6 this afternoon.

RIP White Sox.

Tomorrow is an off-day, and then Friday will mark the debut of Mr. Kevin Slowey...

Pass the tissues and pacifier

http://www.twincities.com/sports/ci_6016306?nclick_check=1


Wah wah...

Manny Fernandez is full of shit- if the team and organization didn't have any faith in him, he wouldn't have his teammates and coaches repeatedly call him their no. 1 guy, and the Brass wouldn't have thrown a (now poorly thought out) 3 year 13 million dollar deal. Hey Manny, maybe you should work on not being such a moody cunt, and perhaps you wouldn't feel alone...because your ornery ass wouldn't have alienated yourself from the rest of the team. It goes both ways Manuel, I do recall a few times where you've said that the team in front of you has left you out to dry.
Get over it, you now your ass is going somewhere else, and the nail in the coffin is when your uncle, Jacques Lemaire, said he wanted Backstrom back next year. Why would one ask? Because Nik Backstrom provides a steady presence in net night in and night out, because he isn't a loose cannon like Manny Fernandez. Don't get me wrong, Fernandez is very talented and can win games by himself when he is healthy and happy (happy being the key), but he is a rollercoaster; he goes up, and then goes down.
The bottom line is we, as fans, had faith in you Manny; and all you can do is try and be some sort of half-assed martyr, mumbling some bullshit about "being in chains". Gimme a break. Here's an idea, stop listening to Creed, and maybe you won't say such stupid stuff. Even the Brass knows you're full of shit, and they are probably working out a deal right now to send you off to a hockey hot bed like Miami, Florida, or Phoenix, Arizona.
We, Wild Nation, sincerely hope your golf game is in fine shape come april in 2008, because we'll be in the playoffs again, without you.

You happy now?

Resurrection

Maybe reports of the demise of the "Piranhas" has been greatly exaggerated; Or maybe its just that Chicago has come to town. The 4 some of Tyner, Bartlett, Castillo, and Punto hounded the White Sox all game, nibbling their way around the basepaths like the days of Old. Suddenly the Twins look like the team they should be.
Kevin Slowey looks to be the successor for Ramon Ortiz; thank fucking god. I'm eager to see what the kid can do. A friend of mine, who conveniently pays me money to live in my spare bedroom, jokingly chastised me for remaining skeptical about Ortiz despite the wonderful start he got off to. Well, roomie, he's going to the bullpen, which also doubles as our AAA bullpen because of the injuries. Oh ya, rent is now $500.
Seriously, when is Ron Gardenhire gonna wake up and not start Jason "fucking do something" Kubel everyday? Unacceptable; now is not the point to remain gassed on potential. Kubel has done jack and shit all year, and after seeing what Tyner does in the lineup (face it, the piranhas ain't the piranhas without him), you have to make that change. Platoon him and Lew Ford in left if need be, but Tyner needs to be in the lineup every day. The proverbial dead horse I know, but Kubel at this point is quickly becoming dead weight, and being 7 games back, you have got to make this sort of decision.

The first game of the Stanley Cup has been a treat; hopefully the diehard fans who are still watching (or those able to find versus in the abyss of cable television) are treated to a hell of a series. I like Ottawa, they can play anyway Anaheim can. Goaltending is the key, but hey, Rookie Cam Ward won it last year for Carolina, so maybe too much is being made of how inexperienced Sens goalie Ray Emery is.

The Human Buzzsaw is comin...

http://www.startribune.com/503/story/1208991.html


Today the Wild signed 2006 3rd round pick Cal Clutterbuck (one hell of a hockey name) to an entry level deal. Cluts projects as a gritty 3rd liner, but he has some scoring ability, hence the 86 points this year for Oshawa. He is also regarded as one of the hardest working players in the Ontario Hockey League. He will, without a shadow of a doubt, become a fan favorite with his style of play, and I'm sure there are fanboys (not unlike myself) out ordering Clutterbuck Wild Jerseys.

To give you an idea of how he plays, watch this.

http://mfile.akamai.com/16532/wmv/nhl.download.akamai.com/16532/wm.nhl.na-central/comp/draft06/Cal_Clutterbuck_700.asx

Gulliver's Travels

Last weekend at German Days, here are a few of the sights/people I came across:
- For being a day celebrating the German Ancestry (i.e. beer drinking and sausages), there weren't really a whole lot of people out and about for it in Belle Plaine; even in the quarantined area which contained tractor pulls and around 6 bars. Nearly half of the people there were from 3 families that dominate the area.
- we saw the fattest fucking beagle ever. Seriously, it was like a 16 gallon keg on 4 stumpy legs.
- No shit, I saw a guy who looked like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_the_Cat
The first time we saw him he had a tee-shirt and jeans on...and when the tractor pull races began ( a spectacle in itself), he reappeared wearing a Belle Plaine High School football practice jersey in place of his shirt- one of the jerseys that are cut off around your belly, and is see thru mesh.
-ahhh yes, the tractor pull- a symphony of burning rubber, cacophonous exhaust, the occasional hoot and holler, and a terrible emcee who just kept talking and talking and talking...You know, at first it was kind of fun, seeing riding lawnmowers pull a 5 ton sled down a strip of main street...and then it gets louder, smokier, and a bit more monotonous. Soon after the mowers the bigger ones came out; more power, more smoke, more noise. Cleverly emblazoned with names like "git-r-done", it soon deteriorated into a "biggest dick" contest: some of these clowns continued to do run after run. With that, the novelty was lost, and we hit the trail.

Fast forward to last night; my girl and I went to a St. Paul Saints game at Midway Stadium. Now I haven't been to a game in years, and after going to one last night, I now realized how appropriate the name Midway is- it was a circus last night. We walked up to see a group of 20 something girls posing with two storm troopers, Boba Fett, and Darth Vader from Star Wars. Unbeknownst to us, it was Star Wars night at Midway. There was a mailbox painted like R2D2; there was a woman roaming around dressed up (albeit poorly) like Princess Leia, there was another woman who was dressed up like (I am presuming here) some other Star Wars character, I don't know who. She actually looked more like Gene Simmons from Kiss, or a Kabuki actor from Japan. I don't know.
But really tho, there is a lot of bang for your buck at Saints games; outdoor baseball is always wonderful, a rather large selection of concession food, 32 ounce beers for 6 bucks, pig mascots...and the collection of social misfits, freaks, queers, pricks, bitches, the bold, the beautiful, the skinny, the fat. It was like a microcosm of the State Fair, which is a stone's throw from Midway. Where else can you watch two emo kids duke it out with inflatable "thunder sticks"? Or watch a 20 something woman, during a conversation no less, turn and pop a zit on her shoulder? Or look over and see Boba Fett standing in line to get a beer? Truly a sight I must say.
The highlight of the night, by a long margin, was during the seventh inning stretch. During the night we noticed a man of asian decent (chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature) walking around wearing a safari/crocadile dundee hat, a white suit coat, and what kind of looked like a white kilt to top it off. For what its worth, and I guess to send a message, the back of the coat had "www.quitplan.org" written on the back. Now that you get a sense of who he was, it makes it easier to understand how funny it was when after "take me out to the ballgame" it was now time for "Karaoke Time with a real Japanese Man!" (as verbatim). And tonight's selection?

"Lola" By The Kinks.

Rah-rah rah rah Roooooraaaa....

As the Japanese man, with mic and lyrics in hand did his best to make Ray Davies proud, the crowd, including my girl and I, erupt in a mixture of applause and laughter.

Rah rah rah Rooooooraaaaa...

At this point, the score of the game didn't matter. I am pretty sure the Saints lost, due to the pitching of Sioux Falls' Pat Mahomes (former Twins phenom), but I feel everyone had won.

Rah Rah rah roooooooooraaaaaaaaaaa....

Gut it out...

...and watch this to the end.

http://www.geekologie.com/2007/05/breakdancing_battle.php

Tea Time with Tom Lynn

Wild Assistant GM Tom Lynn's 2 cents on this year.

http://www.thefourthperiod.com/planofattack/wild.html


Something worth noting is in the "potential targets" is Scott Hartnell...

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/teams/players/bio/?id=2167&hubname=nhl-predators

Hartnell is best friends with Wild Defenseman Nick Schultz, his wife is a native Minnesotan, and lives in Brainerd during the summer.

Hmmm...

And off into the sunset...

...goes Brian Leetch. One of the best defensemen of all time, certainly one of the best american players of all time, and a lock for the Hall of Fame. One of 7 defensemen ever to top the 1000 point plateau.

http://tsn.ca/nhl/news_story/?ID=208719&hubname=

A Cup of Tea with Doug Risebrough

http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S91147.shtml?cat=7


1. Gotta love that Backstrom comment about Minnesota. Get the deal done Doug.
2. Size does matter. That Risebrough dissertation on size makes me think Adam Hall will be resigned, and we might see a few more rough and tumble characters on the 2007-07 edition of the Wild.
3. The farm help comment...what happened to looking at roster changes coming internally?

Pssssssssssst....

...declare guerre nucleaire! Ms. Gina Gershon. Do yourself a favor and rent the movie "Bound".

5.something %

The aforementioned number is what chance the Minnesota Timberwolves have at getting the 1st overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft, with the lottery being tomorrow night. Greg Oden and Kevin Durant will surely be the top two picks, but its not like the rest of the top 10 picks are chumps. The first 8 projected picks are at least 6'8", with Mike Conley, Jr. putting an end to that theme. (whatever happened to Conley saying he was going to stay at OSU another year? Oh ya, he's probably sick of eating chicken-flavored Ramen Noodles.)
While there isn't a doubt that this could be the biggest offseason in the 17 year history of the club (17 glorious years, for the most part it has been relatively forgettable), with us having a lottery-protected top 10 pick (fucking McHale) and the grumblings of a possible Kevin Garnett departure, things could look awfully different at the Target Center this fall.
But what I don't get about the mystical ping pong balls, is that it seems like its all or nothing, and that if somehow in that 5% chance we don't get the 1st overall pick, that the whole draft is lost. I understand that a player like Oden and Durant don't come around all that often, but come on folks, you can still get a quality player who can contribute. I listen to KFAN, and its like the show personalities are wrapped up in a fantasy world; tonight Sludge and Lake were going over the past 10 or so drafts and listing who should have gotten the first pick, and who really did via the lottery; that somehow this is the "draft of destiny".
Yes, there is a 5% chance we could get Oden or Durant.
There is also a 95% chance we don't, so really, let's just be happy we have a first rounder this year, since that is usually the pot sweetener McHale throws in to acquire another mediocre talent with a bad contract. We aren't gonna get a shitty player in the top 10.

And besides, do you really want McHale to be working with Oden or Durant? Look how Ndudi Ebi panned out.

This one is for Luke

The hot chick of the day...er, week, Sarah Shahi.

Your Manny Fernandez Rumor of the Day

http://www.hockeybuzz.com/blog.php?post_id=7619


"Fernandez
There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright.......
Sources are telling me that the Columbus Blue Jackets have interest in Manny...He is a very good goalie and could be the Jackets guy that could take him then to the playoffs....The rumor that I heard would involve Modin going to the Blue Jackets and "other smaller names would be involved on both sides/"

First of all, let me say that this is from Hockeybuzz, one of the more polarizing rumor sites around; Eklund, the site proprietor, has a spotty track record to say the least. So take it with a grain of salt.
Personally, I don't really see it happening, unless the Jackets brass has no faith in former top pick Pascal Leclaire.

Been a long time, should have left you with a dope post to read to

In hockey news, Minnesota went out and signed two of their prospects; Enforcer "Battleship" Matt Kassian, and the Danish center Morten Madsen. All the while this happens, the ongoing saga of AJ Thelen has begun to hit a fever pitch.
Kassian, considered the top enforcer in the WHL this year, had a career year for the Kamloops Blazers, with 8 goals and 10 assists in 72 games. The kicker is the 162 penalty minutes he accumulated during the season. He was also named the Blazer Scholastic Player of the year, after finishing 4 university courses with a 3.7 GPA. We have ourselves a scholar and a gentlemen, folks.
I myself have been harsh on Kassian's selection in the 05 draft, in which we essentially made a huge reach and took him in the 2nd round. Assistant GM Tommy Thompson put it this way; "We picked up a diamond in the 1st round (Benoit Pouliot, 4th overall), and we wanted to protect that diamond (by selecting Kassian)" "Battleship Matt" probably could have been had in a later round, but there isn't nothing we can do about it now. Looking at this prospect, you can also look at what Minnesota has done with Derek Boogaard- Boogaard was essentially a one-trick pony in the W, a circus freak of a hockey player, a guy who "will never take a shift in the NHL." Well, at this point, Kassian is further along as a hockey player than Boogey is, which makes his upside that much better, maybe to the point where the hulking 6'5" 245 pound Kassian could ultimately be a regular shift taking NHL player. But that's all speculation; let me show you what Kassian does best.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzWyBKPq9O0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5ruYZ0RQcE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91iGPl_dLXw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29nCJs91eww
And yes, that is Arron Boogaard, little brother of Derek. Little Boogey recently parlayed his efforts into a 3 year deal with the Pittsburgh Penguins. Just imagine some Boogey on Boogey violence when the Pens come to town this upcoming season.

While I don't have any clips of Morten Madsen, I can tell you he is probably one of the more exciting forward prospects we have, behind James Sheppard. Madsen is a two way center, as evidence by his 100 point season that included 8 shorthanded goals for the Victoriaville Tigres of the QMJHL. At 6'2", 200 pounds, Madsen has an NHL frame, and has the versatility to play any of the forward positions. It looks as if he will start the season with the Houston Aeros of the AHL, our top farm club. There he can develop along with other prospects, such as Pouliot, Roman Voloshenko, amongst others.

In the draft preview issue of The Hockey News, Strib writer Mike Russo mentions former Gopher and Wild Prospect Danny Irmen is "NHL-Ready". I would have to agree, he was one of the few bright spots on a fucking putrid Houston team this year, going nearly the entire year as the only Aero with a + number. He plays a rugged two-way game, which means you could see him plugging along on the 3rd and 4th lines this year; perhaps he could step in for Adam Hall, and fill the same role? Irmen is a better skater, hits just as hard, and can produce offensively all the while playing sound defensive hockey. Me thinks a line of Parrish-Koivu-Irmen could be very effective.

Now to AJ Thelen. Brian Murphy of the Pioneer Press wrote this article about Thelen, and where he stands with the organization. Either we sign him by June 1st, or lose his rights. If we don't sign him, we would receive the 42nd pick as compensation; which wouldn't be all that bad, since we don't have any 2nds or 3rds this year, and you are likely to get a solid player in the 2nd round in this years draft.
http://www.twincities.com/wild/ci_5923358?nclick_check=1
Its basically do or die for Thelen, as his audition is now in the Memorial Cup.

Ponson...No Mas

The Twins designated Sidney Ponson for assignment yesterday. Also, gas prices are going up.

Could it be coincidence that the removal of Ponson's weight means a smaller total when the Twins airplane fuels up?

I think so. Look for them to call up one of the young guns at AAA, someone who gets people out, doesn't let people on base, someone......skinny.


And to you Mr. Ponson, the 70-odd base runners who reached base in the 30-some innings pitched this year will miss you.

I'd pour out some liquor, but I'm afraid Sid will lick it off the ground. (Yes, that is a low blow.)

You can't make this up.

Today, in the news and notes section for the Twins in the West Side Fish Wrap, they have uncovered the reason for the slump, and especially a poor showing so far against Detroilet.

http://www.startribune.com/509/story/1180176.html

"

Office manager

To lighten the mood after his team's fourth consecutive loss, Gardenhire called the team together and put the blame on himself for having watched the past two games from his office, recuperating from knee surgery.

"[Tonight], I hope to be down in the dugout; that's my plan," Gardenhire said. "They need me. I can see that."

One day after having the arthroscopic procedure done on his right knee, the skipper did walk the 48 stairs between the clubhouse and the field but returned to his office during batting practice.

Gardenhire has been using a machine with a sleeve for his leg that administers cold and pressure treatment to the knee.

"I don't want to be on national TV hooked up to a machine," he said."

So...you are telling me, Mr. Gardenhire, that the fact that Sid Ponson pitched like a Legion kid, our bats are nonexistent, we are making errors and base-running gaffes has been because you can't sit on the bench because of recent surgery? And Further more, you effectively doomed us the past two games because you were too vain to sit in the dugout with a machine on your leg for a nationally televised game?
Jesus, what an excuse.
What we need you to do Ron is change up the order so we can try and get something going. And the fact you wouldn't even sit in during the game is almost appalling- you are the fucking manager, their leader, the guy who calls the shots. Suck it up, and get your ass in the dugout. You need to make a pitching change? Send out Liddle, Ullger, or Anderson. But be there, in the dugout, where the manager should be.
However, in my understanding nature, I can see your side of the story Gardy. Yes, I hope your knee is healing well, even if you are attached to some sort of robot rehab device, and it might be sort of humiliating to be in the dugout with your little cyborg machine, trying to manuveur through the chew spit and sunflower seeds, on national television no less. I wouldn't want Tim McCarver talking about it either. But maybe, just maybe, the way your team is playing may just be more digestable in audio form; it is easier to listen to someone shitting all over the diamond, that way you don't have to see how truly awful it looks, and in some cases smells.
Don't get me wrong, I am not calling Ron Gardenhire a coward, or a pussy. I do like him as a manager, but I do think there are some circumstances that come up that are questionable, and eventually, we have to look at the person responsible for decisions. Like I said in the last post, Gardy's got to get the ship turned around here, otherwise we're in for a loooooooooong, hot summer.


(I'd apologize for all the usage of the word "fuck", but frankly I don't give a shit.)

Ode To a Dead Gimmick

Please, lets hear no more about the "Piranhas"; that plucky group of guys who used their speed and timely hitting to help the Twins make an unprecedented surge to a division title and into the playoffs last year. Castillo, Punto, Bartlett, Tyner (if you want to call him one, since no one else does), etc. Ever since Ozzie Guillen coined the term, a marketing frenzy(pardon the pun) has ensued- commercials, tee shirts, little stupid fish finger puppets, and even some poor intern who had to wear a big piranha costume all day today.
Its great, its catchy, its even fun to pronounce it "pir-an-ya".
But the piranhas are belly up man.
Luis Castillo has played the best out of the aforementioned, despite missing games with a leg injury.
Nick Punto can't hit his way out of a wet paper bag, and if I see him hit another fly ball out, I am tempted to get my Coach Lou Brown on, and tell him to drop and give us 10 pushups everytime he does it. "You may run like Hayes but you hit like shit." Punto's game is speed on the base paths, so put the fucker on the ground and run. I think this sort of trend started to happen late in the regular season last year, when Punto began to stray from his game and started to get delusions of grandeur with the long ball.
Jason Bartlett has been hampered by soreness all year, but when you think about it, he was effective with Jason Tyner (put him in the fucking field Gardenhire) setting the table for him; it worked while they were in AAA together (Tyner was an all-star last year), and it certainly worked during the prime stretch run.
Tyner, by now you all know my man love for him. My only problem with him is that he doesn't play enough and/or is used incorrectly. He is around a .300 hitter, has speed, and has more range in left field than Jason fricking Kubel and Josh goddamn Rabe.

But the bottom line is that the piranhas are dead. Maybe what occured was a flash in the pan, a one time deal where the planets aligned, the stars shifted, and everything clicked during a magical stretch run where Minnesota won 71 of its last 104 games. For those of you who say "its only mid-may", we are playing fucking terrible uninspired baseball. I went to the game today, and left after the 5th, when the Tigers were leading 8-0. I really truly consider myself a hardcore fan, but I got my limits, and I wasn't gonna sit around and watch anymore of that horseshit. Punto killed a bases-loaded situation in the 2nd with a double play ball, Lew Ford did too. Ron Gardenhire, despite his accolades, has to get his shit straight; the lineup he is throwing out there everyday isn't producing shit; bench Punto, give Luis Rodriguez some playing time. Bench Kubel (fuck it, send him to Rochester. Let him find his swing there), put in Tyner. Fucking do something Ron, because nothing is gonna change for the better at this rate. It is a miracle we haven't worked ourselves into a hole like we did last year (I know Detroit started at a torrid pace, but we played like shit. 9 years out of 10 we don't win 71 of the last 104 to win the division- that is the exception, not the rule.) Start tinkering until you find something that works, something that doesn't give us fans 9 innings of futility, and something that can win. It may be time where we start to look at Gardenhire for this slump; he pencils in the lineups everyday. Why doesn't he shake things up?
The bottom line is the Twins are becoming hard to watch; every game is turning into a 9 inning train wreck. Tampa fucking Bay owned us this year. As a fan, I feel I am entitled to demand more- I don't care if people started the year as the everyday guy at their respective position. This isn't the beginning of the year anymore, we are in the Middle of May, with a .500 record, 5-6 games back in the toughest division in baseball. This is unacceptable, this sort of complacency- something has to happen, otherwise we are dead in the water before the all-star break.

Wild Fans paying the price of success

As mentioned in the Star Trib this morning, Our favorite hockey team, for the second year in a row, raised prices for tickets. Seat prices went up anywhere from 10.8 to 11.1% in the lower bowl, to an astonishing 28% (upper level sides). My two seats, in the Minnesota end of the lower bowl, jumped from $54 to $60 a seat.
Why?
In a press release, the Wild noted that the Xcel Energy Center has sold out 274 consecutive games, and we've been consistently praised as "the greatest hockey fans in the world." In a well-intentioned, but ultimately hokey event, the #1 jersey was dedicated to the fans and retired to the rafters. In my season ticket renewal package, which was conveniently designed to heap praise on me for my efforts, passion, and support of the club, gave me a faux lambskin diploma stating I've been enshrined in the "Team of 18,000 Hall of Fame."
Well, if we are the "greatest fans in the world", and you retired our "jersey", why are they raising ticket prices again this year?
Minnesota consistently ranks among the top teams in yearly revenue; jersey sales are huge, the sellouts were aforementioned; the way the organization is run is precise and profitable, even paying into the revenue sharing pool so all NHL teams can get a piece of the pie. They have money coming out the ass, and that appears to be a trend, and not a mirage.
So...why are we being asked to pay more again this year?
Are we the "greatest" because we are just taking it in the ass (the cost of going to a wild game is steadily increasing- soon it will get to a point where perhaps it will begin to turn away potential
customers. Maybe I'm onto something, or maybe I am on something.) with a smile on our face, simply because we have managed to exorcise the demons of Norm Green hauling the North Stars to Dallas? That their on-ice product, which has been greatly transformed from a bunch of half-talent underdogs into a mixture of youth and offensive firepower, is more interesting to watch than the bush-league organization at the Target Center?
We made the playoffs this year; chances are we will be looking at the postseason again next year, and perhaps may be making a deeper run after the lessons learned with playing a stronger Anaheim team. We have players with legitimate star power, a core of youth, a player of the old-school enforcer mold who is quickly approaching Iconic status in Minnesota sports lore. We have found a true no. 1 goalie, while a future no. 1 waits in the wings.
Things are looking rosy; now are the 16,500 season ticket holders paying for a priviledge, or are we just ignorant in the fact that we are making the rich richer? If we are as great as you tell us we are, why are we getting gouged in the wallet as our team gets better and more formidable? With the new Reebok jersey design/fabric change set to debut this year, Minnesota (and the other 29 teams) will be looking towards a big payday as fans will flock to get it, yet prices are raised.
The thing with season tickets to the Wild is that they are the holy grail in a sense; there are 16,500 holders, with another 7500 on the waiting list. So, my Prior Lake math tells me that if I let go of them, I ain't ever gonna get them back. It is almost like a form of extortion- I got them, but there is a demand, so they are gonna make us pay to keep them.
With this being said, I'm off to craigslist.com to see if someone will pay for internal organs; I figure one of my kidneys and one of my lungs should be enough to get me 25 games at the X this year.

Only in America...

...can someone sign a contract for 28 million, have it pro-rated down to around 17 mil, and start working around June 1st. On top of that, that person only has to be with the team when he starts.

Its good to be Roger Clemens.

Its not good for the game of baseball.

Baseball, by my last count, was comprised of "teams", which means a collection of players playing for their city, the club (and whatever tradition that comes with it), and each other. So, what sort of message does this Roger Clemens signing bring? That as long as you are good, if not great, you have the luxury of picking who you want to play for, and on top of that, you only have to be there when you have to start; using my Prior Lake math, each start will be roughly around 1 million dollars in the bank.
Sounds like the ideal teammate, right? Someone who will go to war with you every 5th day, someone who will be there during the thick and thin once every 5 games, someone you hope that his flight arrives on time because its a 1:10 start? And just as soon as he's there, he's gone, he'll "see you in 5 games!"
Don't get me wrong, Clemens is a Hall of Famer; he has been one of the best pitchers in the best 3 years, despite starting to play around the all-star break. A fiery presence on the mound, an old-school throwback who will just as soon throw a fastball at your head as he would to throw a changeup the next pitch to strike your ass out. Who wouldn't want Clemens, and his aura, in their starting rotation?
Does he have that much leverage?
Apparently so.

Everybody Hurts

Rondell White's calf exploded.
Lew Ford's Knee is rehabbing.
Francisco Liriano met Tommy John.
Mike Cuddyer thought he was in WCW.
And now Golden Boy Joe Mauer was put on the 15 day DL with a strained quadricep today, after an MRI (precautionary, but its Joe Mauer- cue the hysteria) revealed the strain, a lump, and some bleeding.
Justin Morneau is hitting like he is disabled.
Various Bullpen guys are ailing.
And we lost again today.

Shit.

The Twins clubhouse has turned into a MASH unit, with the hobbling, bandaged, amputated, and wounded. When will the madness end? The .500 mark is rapidly nearing us, as a prolonged streak of offensive mediocrity has spoiled some good starts, squandered late-game opportunities, and left Twins Nation searching for the proverbial silver lining, and a harbinger that brighter days are still to come.
Torii Hunter made it 21 games today; propers are due. Hunter, the unquestioned leader of the team, has provided a solid effort game in and game out, and we can only hope that the rag-tag motley crew that fills out the rest of the lineup around him follows his example. Guys like Jason Tyner and Luis Rodriguez, Mike Redmond, etc. can produce given the time to play, its a matter of finding the right mix to get over the hump until people are healthy; even then, if we get on a roll, why fix what isn't broken.
Now that Boston is out of the way, the schedule isn't gonna get any easier; Detroit, Milwaukee, etc.
Now its not just about putting on band-aids, its about finding a chemistry to win.

Stuck inside of the Metrodome with the Nothing Blues again

Again, a strong effort by Carlos Silva.

Again, a terrible offensive output.

Again, a loss.

Rumors of Carlos Silva's demise have been greatly exaggerated; myself included in the naysayers. Silva pitched 7 strong, giving up just the home run to David Ortiz. Silva, for the second time this season, has pitched very well and has gotten no run support. NONE. Silva has gone out and given our favorite team a chance to win the game, and we couldn't muster shit. Funny enough, in the beginning of the year many figured that it would be the other way around.
The bullpen, with the exception of Pat Neshek (and Glen Perkins, especially last night), has been very shaky. Juan Rincon, Dennys Reyes, Jesse Crain, and even Joe Nathan have been less than sturdy so far, which hampers a Twins team whose motto is "defense and breaking hearts". It is early in the season, but damn man, we aren't looking too hot. We lost the season series to Tampa Bay, yes those lowly Devil Rays. Let me repeat that; WE LOST THE SEASON SERIES TO TAMPA BAY. Yes, the same team that we had won 14 of 15 (or something like that) of the previous meetings coming into this season.
Well, besides the bullpen, what else could be the problem?
The heart of the order, the non-piranhas, have been shit, with Torii Hunter being the glaring exception. Hunter is playing very well, extending his hitting streak (19 games?) tonight with a 30 foot infield single. But, Justin Morneau has been a pale shade of what he was last year, Mike Cuddyer (when not doing front flips on the base path) has been iffy, and until Jason Kubel has been rather unimpressive.

I will use this line to reiterate my stance on Jason Tyner being an everyday player. I am for it.

Speaking of Tyner, he has to shill for "Piranha finger puppet" night, even though he is hardly recognized as one of the Pirahnas; he isn't in the tv commercial, doesn't get the chance to play everyday (a mistake), yet when he is in the game things get rolling. Finger puppet night, that's right. 5000 people will be stink fingering fish puppets this weekend. Brings new meaning to the term "fish eye".

One Word.

Vida.

Check this out

Gaborik and Hossa teaming up for a goal in the World Championships;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQCXLDrNIBQ

So, when should we get Hossa? A Hossa, Demitra, Gaborik line would be GODLIKE.

I just might just...

...pack Petteri Nummelin's bags for him.

Apparently there is are reports in Finland and Switzerland that Petey Nummelin is searching for a club back in Switzerland to play for; apparently playing defense in the NHL is just too much for a DEFENSEMAN like Nummelin.

The bottom line is that he just isn't suited for the NHL; at the World Championships, which is on bigger ice (olympic? 200 X 100), he's got 7 points in 4 games, and does well on that size of rink. Besides, why get run from behind by guys like Matt Cooke when you can play for a cushy team in Lugano, Switzerland for big time moneys? While it was an experiment, it didn't quite work. I'd rather see a Reitz or Stoner get his minutes.

You got any carry on luggage Petteri?

The first days take about, oh, a week later

As much as I bitch about the monstrosity that is the National Football League, I do have 2 cents on the draft, which took place on Saturday and Sunday. The Vikings got an absolute steal in Adrian Peterson at 7, whose jerseys are probably already a hot commodity. Not only will Peterson give Chester Taylor, basically our sole offensive producer last year, a better chance to stay fresh and not get worn down like last year, but also will give Tavaris Jackson a bit more room to work with as far as the air game goes; between Taylor and Peterson teams will have to keep 8 in the box. After a season where many in Purple Nation tip toed the edge contemplating suicide, Peterson emerges as a beacon of hope.
Much to the joy of Vikings fans, and apparently to the dismay of Green Bay Packers, we nabbed Sidney Rice, of South Carolina, in the 2nd. I heard on KFAN yesterday that the Packers had Rice in their sights, but tough shit cheeseheads, we got him first. Rice has some mixed reviews, although Mel Kiper said he would be a top 15 pick next year if he had stayed in school, but our receiver core more or less sucks, so the 6'4" Rice will get every opportunity to be a red zone threat.
Perhaps I have done too many drugs, but hearing the reaction of Brad Childress with regards to our overall draft, he actually showed emotion. Yes...a trip in itself, Brad Childress, Mr. Play Calling Placard over his mouth, Secret Squirrel, Major Dud- showing excitement. I thought I had a mushroom flashback.
The draft takes too long. I'm sorry, professional teams have 365 days to scout these players, yet those pricks take all 15 minutes. I'm sorry, that is too long. Hell, the Vikings a few years ago went over the time limit and two teams ran up to the podium and made their picks.
Ah yes, NFL Draft 2007...I mean Brady Quinn's draft year. Because that is all ESPN talked about...for 3 months. Contrary to the "riveting television" that the Strib bobo used to describe Quinn's fall from the top 5 to 22nd, it was more like a cruel episode of Punk'd. Similar to Aaron Rodgers a few years back, Quinn became a media spectacle, with ESPN interview nazi's standing beside his table and opining on his free fall. Roger Goodell must have had enough of it, because he let Quinn go and hide from the media onslaught. I never really understood why there was so much fuss about Brady Quinn leading up to the draft; I understand that he is a talented kid, who played at a high profile program at Notre Dame, but there was more emphasis on Quinn than Jamarcus Russell, Adrian Peterson, etc. coming into the draft that it was mind-boggling. For a while the vogue was to knock Quinn for some minute aspect of his game.
Propers go to Joe Thomas, who went 3rd overall. He basically told the draft nazi's to go fuck themselves and went fishing instead. That's awesome.
And finally, to cap off the monster that is the draft, ESPN ran a short vignette talking about who might be top 5 for next years draft. Apparently 364 days until the next draft is the perfect time to start talking about it.